The Miracle of Michelob Ultra
“You’re a complicated diverse creature. A fine mix of debonair and… adrenaline.
Battle scars and smooth jokes…”
Yes, yes…You are one swell beast of a guy. A regular Jack Kerouac in khakis no doubt.
And for only 2.6 grams of carbs and 95 calories you can show everyone just what a stud you are by slugging back one of these superior light brewkauskies.
Hell, even if you’re not quite this cool, a cool brewski with only 2.6 grams of carbs has got to earn some style points, right?
Wait! Did I just hear “2.6 grams of carbs and 95 calories,” ? WTF?
Does this seem a little too good to be true? You know what that means, right?
Yes, something is certainly a miss here. So, let’s take a closer look at this dream brewski.
2.6 grams of carbs sounds great. Compare that to the 39 grams of sugar in a Coke it does seems like we should all be drunk and slender, for sure.
What we know is a grams of carbs clocks in at 4 calories, so 2.6 grams of carbs is 10.4 calories.
Yet, the commercial said 95 calories! That leaves 85 mystery calories are unaccounted for. Shall we locate them?
Simple logic (and the label) tells us it’s not in protein (.6 grams = 2 calories) nor fat (0). So, where the hell is that phantom 85 calories coming from? Guesses?
Ah! Perhaps the ever popular labeling loop hole—the same one that’s been widely abused in the “Low Carb Protein bars” for a decade and some.
Yep! It’s in the alcohol.
For bars, it’s the sugar alcohols which are technically not really carbs so they don’t have to be listed as carbs. In the Michelob case it’s just alcohol.
So, what you’ve really got here is 85 calories of alcohol which is a carb—a uniquely special carb in that it is mainlined straight into your blood stream much faster that sugar—because alcohol does not have to be ingested through the normal way. It doesn’t pass through the stomach to be brought in through the intestine. Alcohol passes straight through the stomach lining into the blood stream, effectively making it many times more glucose spiking than even High Fructose Corn Syrup.
What’s this all mean?
Well, it means that you might not be as debonair and all around brilliant as the commercial suggests if you’re believing this 2.6 carb story.
It’s also a reminder that companies are not on your side. They’re on theirs. They are in the business of getting you to behave the way they want you to and don’t think twice about leveraging any and every loophole they can find.
I mean, hey, 95 calories is pretty good for a beer. You could just be a great tasting, well made, light beer and be honest about it. But no… that’s too much to ask or expect.
If you wanna have a beer, 95 calories is still pretty good but I’m out on this one for principle alone. Plus, I’d rather have a real beer with some body and deal with a few more calories than get sucked into sucking down four of these in hopes of an ounce of satisfaction.
For Your Viewing Entertainment, Enjoy the Commercial that
Frustrated the heck out of me.