When Winning is Losing
You’re off and away…
I like to win. I don’t like to fail.
More accurately I abso-fu%$king-lutely hate to fail.
It feels bad—I feel bad; ashamed, embarrassed when I fail. I feel like a failure.
And I have no patience for feeling bad and/or looking bad.
I much (way much) prefer to look good, or better yet, look great. Which brings me back to winning, to succeeding, to hitting it out of the park.
It seems rational. Right? We all rally around and celebrate the winner. And feel bad for the loser.
But after talking with my coach this morning and reading a friend’s post about his young son’s tears and how “life” can cut us off from emotions, I got to thinking that maybe it’s not about winning or losing at all.
Maybe it’s about feeling. Maybe I don’t like to feel.
“Wait!” You say…, “but you like to feel good, you like to win?”
Ah, yes… but if we’re only feeling good all the time are we really feeling at all—or in a loop of avoiding the feelings that are in the darkness, the depths, the fear and despair?
I don’t know the answer but the question has asked me to look.
If the down side, the “strike outs,” if you will, are so desperately unnerving, so devastatingly draining, perhaps this gravity is also stripping some of the joy out of winning. Such that winning and success has become only “the absence of pain,” less “the presence of satisfaction and joy?”
Is this making any sense?
In this challenging time, feeling overwhelmed, I’m asking myself, and I will ask you…
What’s driving your success?
Is it the joy of the base clearing walk off homer, the public recognition of the cheering fans, the personal satisfaction of a job well done or the oppressive fear of failure—the darkness that you would go to any length to avoid?
As I contemplate this myself, I hear the timeless words of the wise Dr. Seuss singing in my head…
Oh The Places You Will GO!
Oh! The Places You’ll Go!
You’ll be on your way up!
You’ll be seeing great sights!
You’ll join the high fliers who soar to high heights.You won’t lag behind, because you’ll have the speed.
You’ll pass the whole gang and you’ll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you’ll be best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.Except when you don’t.
Because, sometimes, you won’t.I’m sorry to say so but, sadly, it’s true
that Bang-ups and Hang-ups can happen to you.You can get all hung up in a prickle-ly perch.
And your gang will fly on. You’ll be left in a Lurch.You’ll come down from the Lurch with an unpleasant bump.
And the chances are, then, that you’ll be in a Slump.And when you’re in a Slump, you’re not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself is not easily done.You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted. But mostly they’re darked.A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin!
Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?And if you go in, should you turn left or right…or right-and-three-quarters?
Or, maybe, not quite?Or go around back and sneak in from behind?
Simple it’s not, I’m afraid you will find, for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.You can get so confused that you’ll start in to race down long
wiggled roads at a break-necking pace and grind on for miles across
weirdish wild space, headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.The Waiting Place…for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail
to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or
waiting around for a Yes or No or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite or waiting
around for Friday night or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake or a
pot to boil, or a Better Break or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.No! That’s not for you!
Somehow you’ll escape all that waiting and staying.
You’ll find the bright places where Boom Bands are playing.With banner flip-flapping, once more you’ll ride high!
Ready for anything under the sky. Ready because you’re that kind of a guy!Oh, the places you’ll go!
There is fun to be done! There are points to be scored.
There are games to be won. And the magical things you can do with that ball will make you the winning-est winner of all.Fame!
You’ll be famous as famous can be,
with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.Except when they don’t. Because, sometimes, they won’t.
I’m afraid that some times you’ll play lonely games too.
Games you can’t win ‘cause you’ll play against you.All Alone!
Whether you like it or not, Alone will be something you’ll be quite a lot.And when you’re alone, there’s a very good chance you’ll meet things
that scare you right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won’t want to go on.But on you will go though the weather be foul.
On you will go though your enemies prowl. On you will go though the Hakken-Kraks howl.Onward up many a frightening creek,
though your arms may get sore and your sneakers may leak.
On and on you will hike. And I know you’ll hike
far and face up to your problems whatever they are.You’ll get mixed up, of course, as you already know.
You’ll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go.So be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact
and remember that Life’s a Great Balancing Act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and ¾ percent guaranteed.)
Kid, you’ll move mountains!
So…be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray or Mordecai Ale Van Allen O’Shea, you’re off to Great Places!Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So…get on your way!
Yes, “I’m sorry to say so but, sadly, it’s true that Bang-ups and Hang-ups can happen to you.”
Now, be on your way… and remember that Today is Your Day!
To Your Life @ Full Strength!
Shawn
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